I was woken up today with some great news – my cousin had her baby through the night. I know – cousins are more of an extended family member, so why the excitement?
I come from a very small family. My dad has two siblings – they both have partners. My dad’s brother has 3 kids – all of who I grew up with pretty closely. My dad’s sister does not have any biological kids, but her partner has two kids – I don’t know them very well because they live far away. My mom has one brother – and he has two children – both who I don’t know well because they are much older and live far away.
So while I may not see this particular cousin very much now that we’ve all grown, there is still a great love. I love my family. And I think of them all fondly. Life just happens sometimes. We’re all busy figuring our grown up lives out, and we see each other rarely.
But I am so excited for her. Her first child. A baby girl. Eeek!
Growing up, I didn’t think I would want to have children. I saw myself on a different path. But then I met Mike. And I graduated high school. And I moved away from home.
That’s when it all hit me.
I changed. Where I saw myself going in life changed. And you could use that annoying saying – my “clock” was ticking. I started having that need… that want to be a mom.
I was lucky to be very involved in my niece, MacKenzie’s life. She was born, and we all lived in the same apartment building. So I was with her basically everyday. When she was sick. When she was taking her “firsts” for everything – first solid food, first roll over, first crawl, first step. First trip to the park. First ride down the slide at the park. I was there.
I never thought I could love someone so much until I became an aunt. Now I have two little nieces who are just wonderful people. My favourite people in the whole world. And I love them more than I could ever put into words.
Being involved in their lives enforces my want/need to be a mother.
When I graduated university last year, my thoughts were “okay, bring on the next chapter”. I was ready to move on. Move forward. Of course, Mike is still a student so that couldn’t happen. We have two more years in the city so he can finish his engineering degree. After that, hopefully we can move out of the city. Mike will get a job. We can get maybe get married, buy a house, and then finally start a family.
I’m not one to plan for the future. Nothing ever plays out the way you imagine. I do believe that it’s best to take it day by day and enjoy the journey. And believe me, I do.
But it’s nice to think that my future will have those things I need. A home, a family. Out of the city and close to our roots.
Ahh, it’s nice to think about.