A day off, Chapters, and a little clarity

Do you ever wonder if your emotions are just your emotions, or if there is a larger issue going on that you are unaware of?

As I stood in the middle of Chapters yesterday, where I wandered to enjoy the feeling of being surrounded by literature on my day off, I felt this overwhelming emotion flood over me.

There I stood in the fiction section by the “H authors” and I felt like I was about to break down. Out of nowhere.

I found myself holding in tears and trying to catch my breath. A quiet panic setting in as I looked around, hoping no one was around to witness my little “attack”.

It’s something I can’t explain.

These “attacks” used to happen frequently between 18-22. Sometimes I would pull away from those around me.

I didn’t want anyone to witness my “emotions”. Some thought I was a snob who didn’t want to hang out. Some knew what was going on.

I live a happy life. Yes, I stress out. Sometimes I still have anxiety attacks (nothing like when I was in high school though).

I used to be embarrassed. None of it made sense to me. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy.

It’s something I should speak to a doctor about. This I know. I’ve watched my mother struggle with similar things. Depression. Chemical imbalances. Anxiety attacks.

She and I are more alike than I ever admit.

Somedays I do believe I just have strong emotions. But sometimes I do think I struggle with some imbalance. I’m not ashamed of it anymore. I don’t feel crazy. I know these are honest issues that many people deal with.

I just need to find some answers.

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