And in that moment, it scared me. It scared me how much I didn’t care about how you hurt me. It scared me that, after a year of holding onto such a deep seeded anger towards you, one look through pictures of us and it all faded away. The anger was gone. It didn’t matter anymore. After a year, I just wanted you back in my life. I wanted to start over. I just wanted my best friend back. And it scared me.
I was nervous because of how deeply your disappearance from my life cut me. I was nervous because no one had broken my heart quite like that. You had a power that could destroy me, without even knowing it. I was nervous at what I felt, because I didn’t know how to truly define it. I was nervous because you just meant more to me than I could say. And I was nervous at what that might mean.
There is only so long a person can hold onto an anger quite like the one I felt towards you. Your actions didn’t resemble the man I knew. The friend of over 10 years. That’s why I was blind sighted by it all. Because it wasn’t you.
I’ve always seen you as being in my life forever. In what way, I’m not sure. But you are there. So this little hiccup, this bump in the road, it doesn’t have to define us. I don’t want it to define us. It’s not who we are. We can’t be shattered by something as little as this, can we? We are more than that.
Just know… I’m nervous of what comes next. I’m nervous of what I might feel. I’m scared of getting hurt again. And I’m scared that I might lose you again.
So please, be careful with my heart, okay?